Talent.

A lot of bloggers out there are doing recaps of 2012, and writing about what they want to do/see during 2013. I have a lot of things to be thankful for from this year, but right now there's something else I want to talk about.

When we look ahead, we need to set all kinds of goals. Short-term. Long-term. Dreams. Imaginations. It's a combination of these that keeps us going. I've come up with something that I want to do my whole life. I want to use my talents for the Lord.

I know, this would seem like something I would have wanted my entire life, and yes, I have always wanted to give God the glory in everything I do. But this time, there's more determination behind it.

My Sunday School teacher, who is also my pastor's wife, hit upon it in a different light, though. God gives us our talents to glorify Him, and if we don't do it, He'll find someone who will. What she said next was what really struck me, she said, "Oh, Lord, when I stand before You I want there to be no talent whatsoever left in my body! I want it to all be used up, and for You."

And that's what I want. I want to use up every drop of my talent, and for the Lord. I prayed that prayer, and asked Him to use me. That was in early November.

By mid-November I was asked to be the lead in the Christmas play, join a group of carolers, and because of the caroling, my two best friends and I were asked to form a trio to sing one song.

The Christmas play has to have been one of the most fun and rewarding things I've ever done. I discovered that God did give me some talent for acting.  The Lord blessed us so much, and during a couple of my scenes, I nearly cried. Especially during Scene IV, when my character, Nyone, the slave girl, realized Who Jesus is. "That voice! The star! To have been so blind! Oh, Jesus, that even a slave girl would share in the wonder of it all!" It was all I could do to keep from sobbing. That the Lord would come down from His Heavenly throne, robe Himself in flesh, come to the earth in the way He did, die the death He did on Calvary, and resurrect, even for me.

(top left) Innkeeper's daughter, Innkeeper's cousin, Nyone (me), Mary (top right) Nyone (me), Mary (bottom) Full cast, plus a few straggling carolers.

With the caroling and the trio, I learned that God gave me some singing talent, and I sang the solos for our trio. During caroling, we sang for the High Flyers group in our church (50 years and up), and sang for a man who had been in a motorcycle accident and his family. His wife cried the whole time we sang for them. I felt so blessed, and humbled that God would look down and choose me to be a part of that.

 Maybe I can sing, maybe I can act, but only by His giving me those gifts can I do it. Only with His help can I do it at all. Without Him, I am nothing. He is my Everything. And I must give all my thanks by using them for Him. My mission is to continue to use that talents that God gave me, for His glory. It's not about me, it's about Him.

Procrastination with a Purpose

I canNOT believe it has been quite this long since I posted. Then again, perhaps I can. It's been a busy, busy few months. That's not my topic, however. Moving on.

For about a month, my Dexcom charger has been acting...quirky. It would have to be situated just right in order to charge my receiver. Then, it wouldn't show that it was charging, but it would leave me with a full battery. What gives, right? 

Well, one day I noticed that the thick part of the cord near the USB-thingy was coming down, so I pushed it back up. Charger worked perfectly fine that night. Two days later, it no longer worked again. 

The battery on my receiver went kaput on November 7th. On the 8th, my sensor accidentally got ripped out. I had meant to call on the 8th, but due to a crazy work day, helping set up for the Veteran's Day program the next week, and distributing fundraiser cookie dough that evening, I wasn't able to do so. 

Not having a sensor on was...weird. But, at the same time, freeing. I didn't have to worry about pulling it out while dressing, or catching it on door frames (I wear them on my arms). Not being tied to the receiver made me feel footloose and fancy-free. So, I didn't call.

And I didn't call the next day.

Or the next.

Or the next.

I just kept putting it off, something that caused my mother no end of frustration, because she missed being able to ask me what my sugar was whenever she wanted and knowing right then. I missed the data, missed knowing I was okay after a low. But I relished the freedom.

Finally, I realized that Thanksgiving was coming, and I didn't want to do it without Dex. Also, I've been having some nighttime and wake-up lows that I really need to figure out. Oh, and an endo appointment in a few weeks. I'd enjoyed my freedom, but it was time to go back.

So, I called.

And as of a few hours ago, I am Dexing again. And it feels good. Just right.

Impact in the Cafeteria

(Before I begin, for those of you that don't know, I was able to transfer over to my "home" school for the new school year, and I'm very excited about it!)

One of the things our new principal stressed in the meetings today was the impact that a teacher's, or anyone's in the school, actions and words can impact a student forever. She stated that people won't always remember exactly what you said, or did, but they will remember how you made them feel.

This is something that I've been thinking about a lot recently. Really, since I took my first class with Ms. L at Lee, and especially after the second one I took from her.

A few days after I got on The List, I was called to go to one of the elementary schools that I attended, that I hadn't been to since I attended it. I went back to the room I was going to be in, then went back up front to get my attendance sheet, and saw...her. She was one of the aides when I was there, and had lunch duty while I was in the cafeteria. I hated lunchtime when I was there. She was always in there, and constantly yelling, threatening silent lunch, or a bad report to the teacher. For someone who was never in trouble, that was extremely frightening. Whenever I think back about my time at that school, one of the first things I always remember is her. Her impact on me has always darkly colored my opinion of that school, even though I had wonderful teachers and some great experiences there. Anyway, I asked the AP who had the attendance sheets...and she pointed to her. I have to be honest, I was 19 years old at the time, and absolutely terrified of asking her for the sheet. All of those old, insecure, fears of and 8-9 year old came bubbling to the surface. I went and asked her for the sheet, and she smiled and handed it to me, welcomed me to the school, and said she hoped I had a great day. I almost couldn't speak, I was so dumbfounded. So, I said "Thanks," and shot back to my room.

That night, I was on Facebook chat with an old friend of mine, who went to school with me there. I mentioned that I had been there that day, and the first thing she said was, "Do your remember [her] from lunch?" (She did correctly remember her name.)

At that moment, it hit me, just how much of an impact one lunchroom aide can make on a child. My friend and I both associate that school with negativity, because of how that aide made us feel. It doesn't matter how terrific our teachers were, or how the rest of the time went, that 30 minute span every day in the cafeteria is the first thing that we remember when someone mentions the name of that campus.

"Just an aide" can make a difference for the better or worse.

This is the first part of an exploratory series that I am planning.

He's my Friend

We learned a new chorus during choir practice last night that the praise singers sang during church (and I got to praise sing for the first time!!).

Anyway, it was a beautiful song, and one I'd like to share with y'all:

He's my Friend
He's the strength of my life,

He's the song in the middle of the night!

He's the joy down in my soul,

He's the One that makes me whole!

He's the peace in my storm,

He's the refuge from all harm!

Talkin' 'bout Jesus! Jesus!

He's my Friend.

The most awesome thing about it, was that the evangelist preached on getting a revelation of Who Jesus really is. He found what God was in every book of the Bible: He's the comforter, Redeemer, everything, Alpha, Omega... This song fit so perfectly, and it always amazes me, no matter how many times it happens, how God arranges things to fall perfectly into place like they did last night. 

Free, Indeed.

"He that the Son hath set free, he is free, indeed! No more chains of slavery! Truth has triumphed, with liberty. He that the Son hath set free, he is free, indeed." 

I've had that song stuck in my head for over a week now. It's based off of John 8:36. God gave me a true blessing last Sunday night; I followed a commandment, and He followed His promise.

About 2 1/2 years ago, a girl whom I considered as one of my best friends and a confidante, stopped speaking to me. It also happened to be the night that my brother and now sister-in-law announced their engagement. I had known that this girl had had a crush on my brother when they were younger, but she was dating someone else, and had been for almost 2 years, so I assumed she was over it. Well, apparently not. 

She began totally ignoring me, and did whatever she could to avoid me, for example: when the usher would pass out hymnals, instead of handing them to me to pass the rest of the way down the pew, she would drop them on the pew in front of us. Looking back, it seems so small, but it was a bunch of little things like that that kept adding up. She was giving my mother the same treatment, and so my mother asked what was wrong. She never could give a straight answer, and then kept on ignoring us, and began running us down to others (Thank the Lord for all of those that stuck by us during that time).

I went through a lot during that Spring, medically, and emotionally. I ended up having a breakdown; I wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and just cried for 3 days. A lot of it stemmed from this girl's behavior. I didn't know what I had done to cause it, and I felt like I was on my way to hell, because I felt that if I was doing right, this wouldn't be happening. My mom took me to our assistant pastor and his wife, and they helped me realize that I couldn't control other people's feelings, and just because they felt animosity toward me, didn't mean that something was wrong with me, but possibly with that other person. As long as I prayed about it, and acted like a Christian toward her, I was fine. That wonderful lady gave me a book, and I learned a lot about peace during the next few weeks, and actually that trial inspired me to look for peace always, and to help others find peace. That's when I discovered John 14: 27.

She got engaged to the guy she was dating on the same day as my brother's wedding. She married him a year and a half ago, and moved to a different state, which was a big relief for me. When she would come to visit, however, I felt like I couldn't even go on the same side of the church as her, and if she was at a church function, she would go out of her way to be chilly and cold. I would always ask how she was, and usually was ignored or given a terse "Fine." 

Last Sunday night was a turning point. She was in town, and we were having some awesome church. I went up to the front, behind where she was praying with several of our mutual friends. I felt like I couldn't join them. I remembered God's Words about praying for them that despitefully use you, and persecute you (Matthew 5:44), and so I started doing just that. Not long after I began praying for her, the girl came up and grabbed me, and hugged me. We both cried, and I felt a huge, heavy burden, that I had been carrying for so long that I hadn't realized it was that enormous, lift from my shoulders.

I was free. Free, indeed.

Graduation.

On May 12, 2012, I "officially" graduated with my Associate of Arts in Teaching degree. I had finally accomplished something. Something to celebrate. I was "Emily [insert middle, last names], Magna Cum Laude."

 And it felt good. Really good.

Pinnacle.

Today, I was the proud recipient of the Excellence in Teacher Education award. I was really honored that I was the one chosen; the news truly surprised me. There are a lot of wonderful ladies in the education program that would have been deserving of this award, but somehow, I was chosen.

 My instructor, Ms. L, told me one day after class. I was honestly a quite a bit stunned. I never expected to receive this award. I got the award for Excellence in Speech last year, and that shocked me down to my socks as well. 

This was even bigger, though, because it was in my field of study. Ms. L also told me that my name came up several times in their discussion. I was floored. When stuff like this happens, I have a hard time talking. Believe it or not, when it comes to vocalizing my emotions...I really have a hard time doing it! (Ironic, seeing as I have an award for Speech under my belt). I do not, however, have a difficult time writing about them. All I could say was, "Wow, oh my word." She asked me about myself for a bio that they read onstage, and I couldn't even think of anything to tell her for that. I'm so grateful to her, and my other education instructor, Mrs. A, for thinking of me.

I can't help but think about how blessed I am. God has been so good to me; He is always amazing me.

Dexcom "Etch-a-Sketch"

I've seen a lot of talk on Twitter lately about the Etch-a-Sketch nature of different Dexcom Continuous Glucose Monitor graphs. Kim and Kerri have both blogged about it. This week, I've seen two pretty clear pictures.
I've seen:
a mountain range:

and, a W:

This week, I've also had my first 3 hour flatline (mostly), which occurred in the middle of the night. That was pretty cool. It was almost six hours long, and I should have taken a picture of it, but I didn't. Alas.

Have a great rest of the weekend!

Imperfect Poetry a la Dexcom

Dexcom

It's high;
It's low.

Mountain peaks;
Angry 'M's.
I feel weak,
Will this end?

A gentle slope;
A gaping drop.
I want to hope,
Will it stop?

A straight line;
I am calm.

Diabetes and the New Job: Imperfect Poetry Edition

Diabetes and The New Job get along pretty well for the most part. 

Except for the whole going-low-during-duty-once-a-day thing.

During cafeteria duty,

Or bus duty.

At no specific point in time

Around noon,

Or 3.

Diabetes can't agree with me.

It never comes when it's convenient.

I guess that's asking too much.

There so much more I want to see, 

but Diabetes won't agree with me.

I wish it would.

I wish it could.

I love my new job. That is all.

Except, y'all know me. I have to say everything in approximately 3 paragraphs longer than necessary.

Anyway, I got the job at the school!! I started last Tuesday, and it's going way better than I expected. For example, first thing in the morning, I have library duty. Library duty. How awesome is that?? The first time I went in there, I immediately inhaled that wonderful scent of old and new books. In my book (pun intended), libraries are little havens filled with wonderful things just waiting to be imagined. I also get to help with Reading Camp on Tuesday-Thursday.

Second, I really enjoy the kids there. The first graders that I work with are adorable, and one of them told me when I had her the first time I helped her, "You know, I think I could do this every day."
I enjoy the other grades as well, but especially fourth grade. I'm a reading instructional aide, so I go into the Language Arts rooms (I do "push-ins"). I love being in the classroom and helping them "get" something. I enjoy the things that they are doing, and it's challenging, because if I've forgotten something, I have re-learn it very quickly. I just feel very comfortable in there for some reason, even though I'm not very familiar with the teacher and her style/philosophy.

I have cafeteria duty as well, but it really gives me an opportunity to get to know the kids better, so I don't mind.

And last, but irrefutably not the least, on Fridays I get to be in the library all day. A librarian from the middle school or high school has been coming to help, and will until the end of the year. Since this school cannot hire a librarian yet, they want me to do it next year, so the librarians are training me in all of the computer stuff. I'm sure that they will also come in from time to time to make sure everything is ship-shape, too. I love getting to help the students select books, which can be difficult when you have to make sure that, not only will they like it, but that it is also the correct AR level. Last Friday absolutely flew by.

Anyway, I love my new job.

Monday is my last day at the old job.

That is all.

Perturbed.

I really love a good thesaurus. If that makes me a geek or nerd, I'm fine with that. I would rather be happy with the things that I love and with people that love me despite these quirks of mine, than with people who liked me, superficially, for a person that I'm not. If that makes sense. The point is, I really love a good thesaurus.

The reason for this point? The fact that the title of this post is "Perturbed." and not "Anxious." Had it not been for my handy-dandy thesaurus, I would not have remembered this marvelous word. I learned it a long time ago, but it had been shoved onto a back shelf somewhere, and it was only after I saw it again that I remembered it.

The reason for the reason? A few weeks ago, the principal of one of the schools in my district approached me and asked if I was interested in the classroom aide position that had just become available. 

Before I go any further, I must interject and disclose that this principal has a reputation for not being the easiest boss to have. The teachers over there are not the happiest in the world. The other aide that is there is not happy, but she has never been happy, with any job, anywhere. My point being, I don't really know if she's as "bad" as they think she is. 

My old kindergarten teacher is there as well, and she's not very pleased with everything that goes on there, but she hasn't been as enthusiastic about being a teacher as she once was since she left the kindergarten level (she never shows this to her kids though; she is a true professional, and a phenomenal teacher). She is, however, pushing for me to get this job, because I am "one of [hers]." On the totally opposite hand, she is telling me that I need to get out of the education field ASAP, because of the way that it is going. 

I have said all of that to say this: the school secretary called me the other day and set up an interview!!!! Unfortunately, it is on the 19th, after Spring Break. I am simply perishing from all of the perturbation of mind!! I am so anxious to find out if I will get the job or not! I hate that it is not at the school that I know and love the most, with the kids and teachers that I love the most, but it is such a great opportunity!! It will help me down the road when I'm certified, and also be a great education in and of itself! I really hope that I get the position. She may not be a terrific principal, but perhaps this will open the door for a place at my "home" school. I certainly hope so. More than that, I am praying so. 

I know that I said in my first post that I would try not to ramble or post long posts, but I just can't help it. I love words, and writing, and commas, and I'm going to work on this. Really. I just have so much to say, and so much background to disclose right now. These will get shorter, eventually. I promise!!!

Roller Coaster Ride

Last week was very interesting, and not unlike a roller coaster ride.

Source: Google :)

Warning: Long! Also may include rambling.

Actually, it began Thursday, February 23rd. You see, although I have not been on the official "Teacher Sub List" in my district, I've been in the classroom, subbing, for about 2 1/2 years. However, only one school knew that I could really handle it, and so the other schools never really called me unless they got super desperate in the paraprofessional area. The middle school put me in a classroom once before my entrance on this list, but that was just a couple of weeks ago, and they knew that I was getting on it. 

You see, to be a paraprofessional substitute (subbing for aides, workroom, front office, stuff like that), you only need a GED or High School diploma. Easy. In order to be on the Teacher Sub List, you have to have 30 hours of college, and also take a sub class at the college. So, since I didn't have the extra money to spend, I stayed on the para list after I got the required 30 hours of college. 

I have been in quite a dilemma deciding what grade(s) I would like to teach. My mother has told me, "You're good at first grade. You don't think that you'd be happy with it eventually?" The answer is, no. I don't have a real love for first grade and first graders. There's this one class, taught by my former first grade teacher that I absolutely adore, but I wouldn't want to be in there every single day teaching on that level, with children that little. This dilemma made me want to get on the Teacher Sub List, so that I could explore other grades, but I still did not have the money for that class (trust me, you don't make much working retail, at least, where I work). 

Long story short, the school secretary called administration, and then the principal called, and between those two wonderful ladies and a copy of my transcript, I was put on The List on Thursday, 2/23/12. 

I got 8 calls between that afternoon and the time I left for school Monday morning. 

You see, I've been praying for a way out of retail for the past month. I was subbing what I thought was a lot before getting on The List, but suddenly, I was bombarded on all sides, by all the schools (except the Kindergarten school, thank God). I was already tired of working at the school, eating, then heading to the other job. So, on Tuesday, I went in and talked to my boss, and we worked it out so that I can work only on Mondays (my school day), and Saturdays. This ensures that my car insurance gets paid every month, but I won't be killing myself.

It's a nightmare when you throw D in the middle of all of this. My blood sugar has not been where it should be for the last couple of weeks, and suddenly, when I'm over 220 mg/dL, my eyes feel like cotton balls. Like I said, it's been an interesting week.

*Edit* Disclosure: I do not have anything against kindergartners or kindergarten teachers, but that's just not the place for me. Maybe if I get married and have children someday, I'll feel differently, but right now, I just don't have the patience or inspiration required to be a kindergarten teacher.

Excitement.

I bought the tickets on Sunday for my family to go to the Adventures in Odyssey Live Show!! It's in Dallas, Texas on June 16th. If you're interested, you can purchase tickets here.

Anyway, a couple of years ago, I emailed a question to Katie Leigh, who plays Connie Kendall, and we got in contact with her. She had noticed my email address (which, back then, alluded to my being a PWD), and emailed me back asking me if I had Type 1 diabetes. I emailed her back that, yes, I had Type 1, and the conversation continued. As it turns out, her daughter has Type 1 diabetes as well! All of that led to a phone call, and we've been in contact with her ever since! So, when we found out that we were going, my mother sent Katie a message, and we're going to meet up with her outside of the show!! I can't wait!!

While we're in Dallas, we're also going to get to go to a home mission church that our former assistant pastor and his wife run. I miss them so much, and can't wait to be in church with them again!

It's not until June, and it's not going to be that long of a trip, but I am so looking forward to it!

(Which also means that I have GOT to find my camera charger.)

Happy Valentine's Day!

I am single, but there is still One in my life that means more to me than life itself...Jesus. I heard this song years ago, and then again just the other day, and it hit me. This song is perfect for me to describe my love for God, because of how much I love words, and how much I love using word that paint big, colorful pictures. The name of it is "Simply, I Love You."

I tried to find the words in my vocabulary,

but I found that rather difficult to do; when I've

completed all attempts the only words that make sense

are simply, "I love You." 

I've exhausted my search in my dictionary, 

but Webster's definitions are too few;

when I've reached the bottom line

the only words that come to mind

are simply, "I love You."

I know Your love is unfathomable,

Your ways are unequivocal,

Your heart is undeniably true.

But, it's virtually impossible 

to find the perfect syllable

to describe the indescribable You!

If I had the wisdom to 

articulate my feelings, 

I'd give a lecture, impromptu.

But I cannot elaborate or verbalize 

enough to say simply, "I love You."

How do I love Thee, 

I could count forever,

and that would really challenge my I.Q.

So, let me make it plain, 

I'll repeat myself again,

simply, "I love You."

I know Your love is unfathomable,

Your ways are unequivocal,

You heart is undeniably true.

But, it's virtually impossible 

to find the perfect syllable

to describe the indescribable You!

If I had the prudence to expound 

on my philosophy, I'd pen the greatest theses

of time.

Socrates would envy me,

Einstein would read my mind,

multitudes would congregate to hear me pontificate,

scientists would authorize the things that I'd hypothesize,

Shakespeare would call me first,

before he wrote a single verse,

but this is just me without ceremony,

I mean it so sincerely,

simply, "I love You."

I love You.

Hello, all! My name is Emily, and I am currently 19 years old. God is first in my life. That is where the "peace" in my title came from. John 14:27 is "my verse." It says: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

 I am also an Education student that might want to teach middle school. My favorite subjects are English and History. That's where "perspicacity" comes in. You see, I've always had a love for books, stories, and, well, just words in general. I'm a "word-nerd," if you will. The first time I ever heard "perspicacity," I loved it, and immediately went and looked it up. It means understanding.

Peace and Perspicacity is more than just a title of a blog, it's my goal in life. I want to be peaceful, and not full of turmoil. I want to be grounded in my beliefs, faith, and family. I want to understand what is going on around me. I want to better understand those around me, how they feel, and why they do things that make me frustrated, so that I can be helpful to them.

I'm also a working girl. I work at the local Palais Royal department store in the evenings, and on weekdays, I am a substitute teacher, which I LOVE. I'm sure there will be more on that subject later.

I also have Type I diabetes. I was diagnosed with it on 2/7/07, 5 years ago, when I was 14. I use a Minimed Revel 523 insulin pump (in pink!), and am trying to get a Dexcom CGM.

Now, 10 random facts:
I LOVE books. My top 3 authors are Deeanne Gist, Julie Klassen, and Tracie Peterson. I have so many favorite authors, it's ridiculous, that is why I narrowed it down to 3.
I also love Walt Disney World, and I am always wanting to go there.
My favorite colors are pink and purple.
I have 2 dogs: a rat terrier named Trixie, and a chihuahua named Holly.
I have my Associate's degree in Teaching.
BlueBell ice cream has gotten me through many a sad moment.
I love getting mail. I don't know why, I just do.
I have one brother, one sister-in-law, and one impossibly adorable nephew.
I love Nancy Drew computer games; I own all of them, and roughly 50 ND books.

Most of my posts will not shouldn't be this long. Every once in a while I get a bad case of rambling. Like now.
Signing off,
Emily