Okay.

Emily was excited, but a little nervous to be at church camp. This was her first time going to this camp, and here, they roomed by age group, not church group. As the days went by, Emily cheered up; the other 14 year old girls in her cabin were really nice and a lot of fun, and the church was more than amazing.
Emily also began to get sick. Instead of spending the last day of camp with her new friends, Emily spent it in the dorm, asleep.

She slept the entire way home from Missouri, a good 15 hours, still sick with a fever.

When Emily got home, there was no time for recovery, as she had to get in her mom's car and go to Florida for a big family vacation at Disney World! Everyone was going, her mom, dad, brother, aunt, uncle, 2 cousins, and grandma. At least her mom had been able to get the doctor to call in an antibiotic for her to take.

Emily slept the entire way to Disney World, a 17 hour trip.

Upon arrival at Disney World, everyone burst out of the vehicles with excitement, even though it was nighttime. The next day, Emily and her family went to the parks, ready to begin their vacation. Emily was feeling a little better, she thought, and was having a good time, until the afternoon. About 3 o'clock, she got too tired, and went with her grandma back to the hotel. She slept 15 hours and didn't get up 'til the next morning.

This continued for the next 3 days.

Finally, Emily felt better, and was able to enjoy the rest of the trip.

When Emily arrived home, everything seemed normal. Until August. Starting then, she stopped all physical development, and began to lose weight. She came home from school and took a nap, ate supper, and went straight to bed. She drank a lot too. Her mom was worried at first, but justified the behavior because Emily was a high school freshman, and in marching band.

What her mom didn't realize was that Emily was so thirsty that she couldn't satiate it. She would drink 5-6 glasses of water per night. At school, she filled her water bottle and went to the restroom between every class, and by the middle of the next class, her water was gone, and she started feeling desperate. Staying awake during class was a chore. To this day, she remembers very little of what went on during Biology class, the period of time when it was the hardest to keep her eyes open (Note: probably around the time my breakfast was breaking down).  When she marched, her feet would draw up inside her shoes, but by the time she got home, it was already forgotten.

But, based on what she could see, her mom got worried.

In January, Emily's mom took her to the doctor. The doctor placated her mom, and told her that there was nothing to be concerned about.

In February, Emily's mom took her back. The doctor said they'd run some tests for anemia, thyroid, and such. Her mom asked them to test for diabetes, too, although she hoped beyond hope that it wouldn't be that.

On February 7, 2007, the results came back. Her a1c was 18.0.

After a hard trip on the bus, trying to keep her eyes open, Emily walked in the door. Her mom told her that she had diabetes. Emily fell on her mom's bed, in shock. Really, diabetes? Her? This couldn't be possible, could it? Her mom hugged her, assuring her that it was going to be okay, and that they would do whatever they had to do to make her healthy.

The duo went to the doctor's office to have a fingerstick test done. 372 mg/dL. Moderate ketones*.
The doctor said to see an endocrinologist within the next 2 weeks or so.

Emily's mom decided it was time to call the pediatrician downtown. The pediatrician said, "Go to Texas Children's. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200. Just go." They did run home and grab some clothes, first, knowing that they would at least be there overnight.

That night, Emily was given her first insulin shot.

And she told her mom that she would be okay.

The next 3 days, they waited, took classes, and learned how to give shots. Emily was nervous, but once she found out that this was NYGD (Not Your Grandma's Diabetes), she began to feel better. She could still eat the things she loved, there just were some times that it wouldn't always be a good idea. She would have to deal with high and low blood sugars. She would have to give shots several times a day.

But she would be okay.

And okay she is still.




*An a1c of 18 does not usually correlate to moderate and small ketones, but that is all I ever ran. I have run large ketones once since dx, and have only run ketones at all a handful of times. I'm just one of the very blessed to not easily run ketones. 

The time my a1c wasn't 11.

As PWDs, we often chant "it's not a grade, it's not a grade" when referring to a1cs. But it’s not the fact that it’s a grade, it’s a number that we would like to fall in a certain range. When we see it, it has some sort of effect on us.

 “Oh, I thought it would be higher/lower!”

 “That’s right about where I thought it would be.”

 “Ooookay, then. That’s too high.”

 “Yay! It’s finally below ##!”

It elicits some form of reaction.

Yesterday, I had an endo appointment. And I was nervous. I even warned my mother the night before to expect a higher a1c than normal. I’ve been having a lot of highs lately. It’s not that I’m not trying, though. I’m correcting, I’m counting my carbs, and I’ve been making some dosing adjustments. I was doing okay, and then May came and everything went out the window. After I made several changes, and things hadn’t improved at all, I was getting rather frustrated. And, surprise, surprise, with the looming endo visit, I began to dwell on my a1c. And somehow came to the assumption that it would be 11. My a1c has never been 11. It was 18.0 when I was diagnosed. It’s been 8, 9 before. It’s been 6, 7. It was 13.6 not long after dx. The point is, I don’t know where 11 came from. But it stuck. I walked in the office yesterday assuming that it would two stark, black ones staring at me on the printout.

Turns out, maybe I haven’t been doing as poorly as I thought. It just seemed that way since I had had more highs than usual. No, my a1c wasn’t perfect, but I could’ve done cartwheels (or not, I would’ve hurt something. Like, ME, for instance) when I saw that it was only .1% higher than last time.

When I went to see my CDE, I told her about being worried about it. She helpfully reminded me that blood sugars that cause an 11 a1c would’ve caused me to be symptomatic (drinking all the time, weight loss, etc…), which I wasn’t. I also felt better when she downloaded my Dexcom graphs, because, yes, there are definite patterns.

“Oh, nice, I can tell you’re bolusing and correcting, which means I don’t have to harp at you or anything. Let’s just make some changes.”

And we did.

And that was the time my a1c wasn’t 11.

That Dip Stuff.

Although I like to think I have a relatively large vocabulary, words often fail me when I have to think of the name of something. Or, worse, for something. Hence, "that dip stuff". 

For years, my grandmother has made a Mandarin Orange Cake. The frosting is simple: 1 container Cool Whip, 1 pkg instant vanilla pudding mix, 1 can crushed pineapple. About 3 years ago, my mother and I, who don't like it, came up with the genius idea (this is before we learned about Pinterest, so everything was, therefore, genius) to omit the pineapple, and use it as a dip instead of a frosting, and also make it lite. So we:

Mixed 1 small container lite Cool Whip with 1 small box (or you can do large and large) sugar-free-fat-free instant vanilla pudding MIX, and let it chill for about 1-2 hours so the Cool Whip would absorb the pudding better.

It was fabulous. 

Put it on just about anything and it becomes delicious: fruit, graham crackers, muffins, pumpkin bread, pretzels. My sister-in-law and I like to just eat it straight.

However, we have never come up with a name for it. We don't use it as frosting. We could call it something mundane like "Vanilla Dip", but it just doesn't fit it for some reason. Too plain for something oh-so-heavenly. "Stuff" always gets added to the end of whatever we try to call it.

 SO, it's just, "that dip stuff", and probably always will be.

Impact in the...Cafeteria? Part Deux

Yes, I am writing about the cafeteria again. But not about her.

This year I had cafeteria duty. I had the opportunity to be like her, or to not be like her (that IS the question!). I had to hand out spoons, straws, napkins, advice, my own brand of motherly care and consoling, and I also received.
I received thank yous, little hugs, big hugs, bear hugs, and also...words. Both beautiful and heart-wrenching words came from their mouths.

"I love you, it's like you're my aunt, and my favorite."

to another student "Ms. Emily always takes care of us, don't worry."

whilst hugging me "I don't want to let go, I want you to stay here!"

"Can come home with you? I don't want to go home." (this not only in the cafeteria, but also the bus line, from more than one kid, had me nearly crying. Some were just being facetious, but a couple of them were serious. That's the heartbreaking part.)

And on autograph day,

"Of course I had to come get yours, Ms. Emily!"

Y'all can't see the looks on their faces, but I could. And I'm going to miss my kiddos so, so much next year, since they'll be big 3rd graders, off to the next campus. I can only hope that I made the impact on them, that they made on me, one for the better.

Because of things they've said, trusted me with, hugs they've given, I've grown, and become more than what I used to be. They may not realize it, but I do. "Even a child should lead them." And they have.

48 Things.

It seems like I haven't had time to breathe in a long time, and I had to let a lot of things go in order to manage my priorities. Blogging, pleasure reading, Twitter, and writing in general all felt the axe. I have some free time tonight, but not enough energy to be creative, so I decided to dig up the 48 things meme that was floating around the DOC in January.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

My middle name is the same as my mother's.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Last Sunday.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes, unless I'm writing too quickly.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Turkey.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

No, but I do have an "absobloomin'lutely" adorable nephew, and a new niece or nephew on the way!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Possibly. I can be really loud, but I don't generally care for loud people!

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Not that great at it.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

Yes!

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

No! I don't like falling.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Honey Nut Chex.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

Psh. No.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

Lifting wise? No. Emotionally? It really, really depends. Not terribly strong, no.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

Blue Bell Dream Bars, or Blue Bell Homemade in the Shade.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Attitude.

15. RED OR PINK?

I wear red better, but I love, love pink. My room looks like pink either threw up or exploded.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

Physically? My shoulders. They make it so hard to buy properly sized clothes. Personality? I can annoy myself by being too loud, but most people peg me as quiet.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

I miss my best friend growing up. When we hit ages 11 and 12, she moved about an hour away and really, really changed. I still mourn that loss.

18. WHAT IS THE TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?

Being able to say no. 

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

I don't have any on right now, but I had blue flats on earlier.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

A Blue Bell Dream Bar

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

I Could've Danced All Night from the My Fair Lady soundtrack with Julie Andrews.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

I love pink, and purple, but I think I would BE yellow.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

Paris Amour, Charming Charlie's "Lace", cookies, and cinnamon.

24. HOW IMPORTANT ARE YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS TO YOU?

Very!

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Mountain Hideaway.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

None. 

27. HAIR COLOR?
Brown, with some natural blonde highlighting.

28. EYE COLOR?

Green.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

No, I wear glasses.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?

Mexican.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

Tangled. At the doctor's office. It was a long wait.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

White and pink.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

That is so hard! I love Christmastime, but I also love my Summer break :).

35. FAVORITE DESSERT?

Ice cream or cookies.

36. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?

Cardio.

37. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?

Computer, and mostly Pinterest.

38. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

I am SO behind! I'm reading Christmas Countdown by Vicki Hinze, and I'm ready to start The Tutor's Daughter by Julie Klassen.

39. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

It doesn't have a mouse on it, but it's the one WGU sent me. It's blue with the WGU-Texas emblem.

40. FAVORITE SOUND?

Piano.

41. FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC?

Southern gospel without too much southern, if that makes sense. And Disney music with other musicals thrown in.

42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

Colorado Springs, CO for Summer Heritage.

43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

I can sing and act some. And I like to think that I can teach.

44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Houston, TX

45. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?

NE of Houston

46. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?

Off white.

47. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?

It was red. Was. Sad story.

48. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 48 QUESTIONS?

C'est intéressant.

Talent.

A lot of bloggers out there are doing recaps of 2012, and writing about what they want to do/see during 2013. I have a lot of things to be thankful for from this year, but right now there's something else I want to talk about.

When we look ahead, we need to set all kinds of goals. Short-term. Long-term. Dreams. Imaginations. It's a combination of these that keeps us going. I've come up with something that I want to do my whole life. I want to use my talents for the Lord.

I know, this would seem like something I would have wanted my entire life, and yes, I have always wanted to give God the glory in everything I do. But this time, there's more determination behind it.

My Sunday School teacher, who is also my pastor's wife, hit upon it in a different light, though. God gives us our talents to glorify Him, and if we don't do it, He'll find someone who will. What she said next was what really struck me, she said, "Oh, Lord, when I stand before You I want there to be no talent whatsoever left in my body! I want it to all be used up, and for You."

And that's what I want. I want to use up every drop of my talent, and for the Lord. I prayed that prayer, and asked Him to use me. That was in early November.

By mid-November I was asked to be the lead in the Christmas play, join a group of carolers, and because of the caroling, my two best friends and I were asked to form a trio to sing one song.

The Christmas play has to have been one of the most fun and rewarding things I've ever done. I discovered that God did give me some talent for acting.  The Lord blessed us so much, and during a couple of my scenes, I nearly cried. Especially during Scene IV, when my character, Nyone, the slave girl, realized Who Jesus is. "That voice! The star! To have been so blind! Oh, Jesus, that even a slave girl would share in the wonder of it all!" It was all I could do to keep from sobbing. That the Lord would come down from His Heavenly throne, robe Himself in flesh, come to the earth in the way He did, die the death He did on Calvary, and resurrect, even for me.

(top left) Innkeeper's daughter, Innkeeper's cousin, Nyone (me), Mary (top right) Nyone (me), Mary (bottom) Full cast, plus a few straggling carolers.

With the caroling and the trio, I learned that God gave me some singing talent, and I sang the solos for our trio. During caroling, we sang for the High Flyers group in our church (50 years and up), and sang for a man who had been in a motorcycle accident and his family. His wife cried the whole time we sang for them. I felt so blessed, and humbled that God would look down and choose me to be a part of that.

 Maybe I can sing, maybe I can act, but only by His giving me those gifts can I do it. Only with His help can I do it at all. Without Him, I am nothing. He is my Everything. And I must give all my thanks by using them for Him. My mission is to continue to use that talents that God gave me, for His glory. It's not about me, it's about Him.

Procrastination with a Purpose

I canNOT believe it has been quite this long since I posted. Then again, perhaps I can. It's been a busy, busy few months. That's not my topic, however. Moving on.

For about a month, my Dexcom charger has been acting...quirky. It would have to be situated just right in order to charge my receiver. Then, it wouldn't show that it was charging, but it would leave me with a full battery. What gives, right? 

Well, one day I noticed that the thick part of the cord near the USB-thingy was coming down, so I pushed it back up. Charger worked perfectly fine that night. Two days later, it no longer worked again. 

The battery on my receiver went kaput on November 7th. On the 8th, my sensor accidentally got ripped out. I had meant to call on the 8th, but due to a crazy work day, helping set up for the Veteran's Day program the next week, and distributing fundraiser cookie dough that evening, I wasn't able to do so. 

Not having a sensor on was...weird. But, at the same time, freeing. I didn't have to worry about pulling it out while dressing, or catching it on door frames (I wear them on my arms). Not being tied to the receiver made me feel footloose and fancy-free. So, I didn't call.

And I didn't call the next day.

Or the next.

Or the next.

I just kept putting it off, something that caused my mother no end of frustration, because she missed being able to ask me what my sugar was whenever she wanted and knowing right then. I missed the data, missed knowing I was okay after a low. But I relished the freedom.

Finally, I realized that Thanksgiving was coming, and I didn't want to do it without Dex. Also, I've been having some nighttime and wake-up lows that I really need to figure out. Oh, and an endo appointment in a few weeks. I'd enjoyed my freedom, but it was time to go back.

So, I called.

And as of a few hours ago, I am Dexing again. And it feels good. Just right.